“Its 0800 hours, rise and shine soldier, these pots won’t wash themselves!” I yell into the new recruit’s bedroom.
My son opens one eye, looks at me, sighs, turns over and pulls the duvet up over his ears.
“Can’t you stay at home mum and let dad take me to boot camp, you’re beyond embarrassing” he mumbles from underneath the bedding.
“What, and miss your grand entrance into independence? Not on your Nelly” I reply with a sardonic smile.
Gingerly retracing my steps over the mountain of dirty clothes strewn across the floor, I noisily close the bedroom door behind me and try and ignore the ‘where’s my socks/hoody/trainers!’ dialogue that follows me around the apartment for the next hour.
Once said items have been located (stuffed in the bottom of the wardrobe as usual) the whole family including Brian ‘the brave’ pile into the jeep and head up towards the Alhaurin mountains. The temperature gauge at 9.30am is already heading into the 30’s as the summer sunshine beats relentlessly onto the singed Spanish countryside. Boy child brushes his hands over his newly shaven locks and stares out of the window. Brian attempts to consume an old Twix wrapper and my husband hangs one lanky tanned arm out of the window while its white twin hangs forlornly inside the moving vehicle.
“I still can’t get used to the fact that the theatre closes down for over two months in the summer” the older of the males says to no one in particular. I nod my head in agreement. Only 3 months into the position of lighting technician and already he has 2 months off. Mentally I compile a list of things that need repairing around the flat, and that list increases steadily by the day. Unfortunately the only room in our humble abode that currently has an air conditioning unit is the lounge so it’s akin to entering the Sahara desert when you have to leave the comfort of the chilled room and make your way begrudgingly to bed. The first few hours of attempting sleep is usually spent on top of the sheets mumbling ‘it’s too hot, are you hot? I’m really hot, get your leg away from me it’s too hot’. Of course I hold the ‘I’m WAY hotter than you’ card, being age 51 and attached permanently to what appears to be an internal furnace with a broken thermostat.
After 17 wrong turns we finally arrive at the camp meeting point and a young lad on a push bike leads the way up to the area which is going to be home to my son for the next 5 days.
“You can drop me off here” boy child mumbles and makes a hasty exit from the confines of the stifling car. Half a dozen teens are loitering around a large green tent listening intently while a man dressed in Khaki shouts out orders. Spotting his latest recruit ambling towards the camp the Commando yells out towards my son “You look tired boy, no doubt up to god knows what time on the Xbox, well there’s none of that computerised crap here, pick a bunk and fall into line”
My son, who never does what he’s told without argument, breaks into a sprint, drops his bag onto an empty mattress, puts his shoulders back and joins the other inmates without complaint
“I’m getting one of those for home” I mumble to my slack jawed husband, pointing at the confident man barking orders at the motley assortment standing before him.
After waving our goodbye’s we head back to civilisation in the car and I decided to broach the subject of selling our 4 wheel drive and replacing it with a couple of scooters.
“You can have a scooter, I’m having a 125” my spouse harrumphs then proceeds to make motorbike noises all the way back into civilisation.
I shake my head at the man beside me and smile to myself. It’s been a rollercoaster of a journey. In the 4 months we have been living in the Costa del Sol we have bought a property, got our son into school, submitted the mountains of paperwork to enable us to get healthcare and rescued our faithful hound from an attack of the Zombie Pussies.
Staring out the window an idea begins to form. What if I was to write all about our relocation, would anyone actually read about the adventures of a new wife in the sun??
To be continued…
A New Wife in the Sun, as featured in The Olive Press, is available for proof reading, wedding speeches, radio presenting and anything that involves not having to smile at people for any amount of time.